Is My Chronic Illness a Result of Repressed Emotions?

A mysterious silhouette presses against a translucent surface, hands reaching out as if seeking connection or escape.

Patterns of Chronic Illness and Repressed Emotions

Gabor Maté is a Canadian physician and author known for his work on addiction, trauma, and the mind-body connection. He has written extensively on topics like childhood development, stress, and the impact of trauma on physical and mental health. His books, such as In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts and When the Body Says No, explore these themes in depth. In his over 30 years of practice Gabor Mate noticed a few patterns in folks with chronic illnesses like Rheumatoid Arthritis, fibromyalgia, malignancies, MS, Scleroderma, Chronic fatigue and IBS.

• They had automatic concern for the emotional needs of others, by setting their own needs aside

• They had a rigid construct of their role of duty and responsibility

• They had a repression of healthy anger. This is the biggest one

They also had some ( possibly ) fatal beliefs:

--That they were responsible for how others felt

--That they should never disappoint anyone.

Self Reflection

Take a moment here to self reflect here. Are you experiencing any of the above mentioned chronic illnesses? If so ask yourself honestly, do any of the bullet points resonate? Are you there for friends and family at the drop of a hat, would do ANYTHING for them, but when it comes to you....not so much. There's no time... or you are so exhausted from putting out for everyone else you just have nothing left to give yourself.

Perhaps you've taken on the role of caregiver for adult children or aging parents, feeling responsible for their wellbeing even as it compromises your own health. One can feel there there is no way out when it comes to these duties and responsibilities, that you HAVE to do it because its what you're suppose to do.

Do you swallow your anger and frustration when a family member repeatedly takes advantage of your generosity telling yourself its not worth the conflict?

When you feel disappointing others is dangerous — you become a master of anticipation, contorting into whatever shape is necessary to keep the peace, and YOU disappear into the demands of others.

When caring for others becomes a default setting, self-neglect can quietly take root—masquerading as compassion or duty. The individual may override their own needs, postponing rest, nourishment, or emotional care in favor of being perpetually available. While this may stem from deep empathy or learned survival patterns, over time it erodes vitality and clarity. In healing contexts, recognizing this dynamic is a powerful first step toward restoring balance: choosing service that includes oneself.

Recognition is the first step in healing and then the dubious Pause of self reflection

The NEED to do, to serve, to accommodate others and fawn to their desires at the expensive of our what is right for us is a pattern that often falls below the level of our conscious awareness. Learned behaviors from early in our development just feel like "that's who we are, that's what I am suppose to do." This isn't to say we shouldn't do things for others or put others first, but when it comes at the expense of our energy and inner alignment, it becomes a quiet form of self-abandonment that, repeated over time may possibly lead to physical illness.

Reclaiming

To reclaim our energy and sovereignty is not an act of selfishness—it is a radical act of integrity. It means learning to pause before the automatic “yes,” to feel into the cost of our compliance, and to ask: Is this truly mine to carry?

When we begin to choose from a place of wholeness rather than obligation, our service becomes cleaner, our presence more potent, and our relationships more honest. We stop performing care and start embodying it—from a place that includes ourselves.

The moment you recognize you really don't want to volunteer to make the cookies for the meeting but do it, or you are accommodating a request but seethingly resenting it inside, you have found the threshold to reclaim your truth.

Reframing Anger

Anger is a messenger—an intelligent life force that signals when our boundaries have been crossed, our values dishonored, or our energy misused. When we learn to listen to anger with curiosity rather than judgment, it becomes a compass pointing us toward unmet needs and unspoken truths. In trauma-informed healing, anger is not the enemy—it’s the fire that can illuminate where we’ve been silenced and where we’re ready to reclaim our voice.

Suppression and the Body’s Burden

When emotions like anger, grief, or fear are chronically suppressed, the body doesn’t forget. Instead, it stores the unexpressed energy in tissues, muscles, and nervous system patterns—often manifesting as chronic pain, fatigue, autoimmune conditions, or digestive issues. This somatization is not a failure of the body, but a profound act of protection and communication. The body becomes the storyteller when the psyche cannot speak. Healing begins when we create safe, attuned spaces to feel what was once too overwhelming to feel—allowing the body to release what it has held in silence.

Compassionate Boundary-Setting as Sacred Practice

Chronic illness and repressed emotion can have a relationship that when it has manifested physically can produce excruciatingly painful conditions to live with. But taking steps to heal from our emotional patterns can begin our path to wellness.

Setting boundaries is not about building walls—it’s about cultivating clarity, care, and consent in our relationships. Compassionate boundaries honor both our needs and the dignity of others. They say: I love you, and I love myself enough to be honest. For those conditioned to over-accommodate or fawn, boundary-setting can feel like betrayal. But in truth, it’s a reclamation of sovereignty. When we set boundaries from a place of grounded compassion, we model emotional maturity and invite deeper, more authentic connection. It’s not rejection—it’s refinement

Recognition is a starting point, not a solution. The real shift happens when we take actionable steps daily, deliberately. Self-inclusion isn’t a luxury; it’s a practice of integrity. As you move forward, consider this: what would change if you stopped abandoning yourself in subtle ways and started showing up, fully present, even when it’s inconvenient?

Need assistance with learning how to say no and feel good about that? Eileen is an alternative healer who has completed multiple vision quests enabling her to be a clear and effective conduit for your personal growth. She has worked with somatic breathwork practices for over a decade and is a certified Unified Mindfulness Teacher

Contact Eileen@relaxandexpand.com

Need assistance with evaluating your emotional responses? Eileen is an alternative healer who has completed 20 vision quests enabling her to be a clear and effective conduit for your personal growth. She has worked with somatic breathwork practices for the last 10 years and is a certified Unified Mindfulness Coach Co